Ghosts

I am afraid of ghosts. Not the white-sheet, floating bodies, "boo!" kind of ghosts, but the kind of spectres that arise from a past you can not let go of. I can't promise I don't have any ghosts. But I can say I have no personal ghosts that I am aware of. I did once: a boy I couldn't forgive myself for hurting, a friend I failed, but in time I stopped allowing them to haunt me. I realized that I had done what I could to reconcile myself with them, and their grudge against me was no longer my fault. You want to know what the worst kind of ghost is? The one that is hardest to shake? The one you don't realize is there. The people around you may be haunted and tortured by it, but to you it is the best memory you've ever had. It's a regret, but not something you did wrong. I know this ghost well. It's a little monster that rears its smug little head and laughs at you. Every time it is mentioned it digs in a little deeper to try and convince you that you'll never be enough to make the person you love let go of their past. Here is a truth. The past is gone. It can not be recreated; it can not be changed. I am not trying to be cruelly honest, or cause pain, or be harsh. I promise. But I have to be blunt. Because most of the world doesn't get it. If you keep putting the good times of your past on a pedestal, whether it's because you were torn away from them too early or you've come upon bad times now doesn't matter; the truth is, you will lose the ability to be content with what you have and where you are. I've learned from experience. I've had fantastic friendships that lasted a little while and when they faded away I longed for it to be back to what it was rather than embracing the people who were still there for me. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that, pining for what once was only makes everything that's fantastic right now blurry and out of focus. Eventually I decided if a friend, no matter how close we once were, isn't willing to put effort into our relationship, then it's time to let them walk away. Until you can figure out how to let go, the ghost(s) will always be there...haunting you and terrorizing whoever is within range.