Why CAN'T I own a Canadian?

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:


Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/WhyCantIOwnACanadian_10-02.html

Like Father, Like Daughter

I was one day into my Junior year.  I had already decided that I wanted to study Russian, despite the fact that YSU doesn't actually HAVE a Russian major.  But hey, technicalities right?

Wrong.  It turns out that it would have been a huge nightmare to pursue that path right now, so after my first round of classes on Monday and a bit of hopping around campus to talk to different professors I decided, Journalism it is!

I have officially come full circle.  From Journalism to Professional Writing and Editing to Music to Russian to Journalism.  Not bad for only two years of school!  I have been a busy bee.  I guess it's not so bad though; I'll be graduating on time now.  

Now, now.  I'm not so fickle that I just up and gave up on Russian without even starting.  I'm taking beginners Russian right now and loving it!  In-depth study and fluency will simply have to wait until after I graduate.  So you might be wondering to yourself at this point two questions...Why Russian? and Why not music? 

Why not music?  Because I love music, but I do not love stress or teaching or constantly worrying about whether my throat will be too thick to sing well or if, come recital time, I will be sick or perfectly healthy.  I love to sing, and want to continue loving to sing, so I will leave it as a passion and not a career.  

Now, for the better question: why Russian?  The answer?  I have absolutely no idea!  I was going about my life this summer, looking forward to my third semester of music study, and then all of a sudden I came to the conclusion that I didn't just want to study music.  Last year, from music diction courses and Italian study, I realized how much I really love language and words.  And the best part?  I'm really good at it.  So I said to myself, "Hey, I'll study what foreign language I have time for in my undergrad and then maybe get two grad degrees.  One in music, the other in Italian or whatever."  

As I thought about it more, I became more convinced that I wanted to study foreign language somehow and at some point or another between the beginning of spring semester and July, it had entered into my head to study Russian.  So one day when my friends and I were at a Half Price Books I picked up a little 'teach yourself Russian' book.  Of course, then I got home and realized my father had 8 or 9 different textbooks and reference books from his two and half years as a Russian major and various trips to Ukraine. (Including the one I had just bought.)  So, armed with more material than I knew what to do with, I started by teaching myself to read the Cyrillic alphabet.

After mastering the alphabet, talking to my family about the wider variety of job options for a foreign language major than a music major, and realizing that I have no desire to ever teach music, I dropped all of my music classes and completely changed my schedule.  And that's it.  I don't know what process my brain went through to bring me to where I am now.  It all just happened.  I followed the tide of my thoughts and didn't think too hard about where the thoughts had come from.

What's really funny about the situation is that my dad went the opposite way as I did.  He started as a Russian student and after transferring to the University of Minnesota, ended up majoring in music.  Like father, like daughter.  Both indecisive, but not out of boredom or dislike, but because when you have multiple passions and you're young, you just want to pursue them all.