Crossroads.

I'm at a crossroad.

One direction leads home. The other continues down the path I set out on.

I've always had the mindset of picking the thing you want to do and getting to it in the most direct way possible. So I picked a major my senior year of high school, picked a school with a full ride scholarship, and off I went. 1,000 miles away and ready to be a big, mature adult all by myself. And it was the right decision. I met a nice boy that I dated for a year and a half. We're over now, but it was a good thing we dated. Because had we not, I don't think I'd be a music major now. He didn't mean too, but he made me see that writing is nice, but it's not my passion. I love music and singing and I want to find my niche in that world. So I switched majors.

Only one problem with that move. My direct path just got one year longer.

So here I am, learning about my voice and trying to be a better musician and all of a sudden I realize that I hate Ohio. I'm not kidding. I literally hate Ohio. Or at least Youngstown, but that's not really a good thing when staring straight in the face of another three years here. Please don't get me wrong, I love my friends. Every single one, to death. They are the reason leaving would make me sad. But I hate choir, I hate the weather, this city is awful and not safe, Dana is not exactly what I'd consider a high ranking music school, and quite frankly...I just miss home.

Every day for the last few weeks I've said over and over again, "I want to go home." And at first I just meant for the summer, but now more and more I just want to BE home. I mean for good. I want to go on late night walks with my best friend, get to know my cousins, go see my family and puppy on the weekends, go to a music school that has a good reputation, and live in a state that has captured my heart and a city that is thriving.

As each day races past my entire being longs for what I left behind. And not out of regret. Youngstown was the right place to be. It's served its purpose in my life, and maybe that was to point me in a new direction and then send me back to where I'm pretty sure I belong. And that's home.

So I'm standing here at my crossroad, wondering why in the world I'm still questioning whether stepping out in faith on the road back to Minnesota is the right way to go or not. Because my stupid little direct path was never what life was all about. Life is about choices, and love, and family, and learning, and living, and being joyful, and praising Jesus with each smile. It's about music and following your heart and following the next step that you feel led to. Even if it veers so far off that original, direct path that you completely lose sight of where you had once intended to go.

No, I will not graduate from college in 4 years. Maybe not even 5. But I will get where I'm going. I don't know where the end of my road will be, but I think the next stop is home.

I can only imagine.

After another long, long winter full of nasty Ohio weather, all I can say is...I actually miss Minnesota's winter. It may be cold and horrible, but I know what weather is coming, and we get the sun.

Today it is 60 degrees outside and surprise surprise it's raining here in the second cloudiest city in the country. But hey...it's 60 degrees so I'm not complaining. Still, that doesn't mean I don't long for the sun and warmth and to play outside with no shoes on. That's all I want right now. Summer and home. They're good for the soul. I think heaven will be a lot like that. You know, like going home to green grass, blue lakes, and a lot of love after a long winter far away.

Here's the gist of what I think heaven will look like. There will be a new heaven and a new earth, just like the bible says, and the new earth will be perfect again. All of the beauty, none of the bite. No mosquitoes (like a dream come true right!). No frostbite. The snow will be beautiful but not cold. And the grass will be green but not itchy. The trees will bloom in the winter and the sun will shine forever and never give us squinting headaches. I could swim during a thunderstorm in our pure lakes! Lighting will no longer destroy, but only awe. This is the kind of world God always meant us to live in. I don't have a lot of answers for things, because I'm still little. But I can promise you this...Heaven is worth the wait and the suffering through our literal and metaphorical winters and dark nights, because it will be all we could ever imagine and more. We'll be with our Daddy, Savior, Lover, best Friend, and Peace forever. (And I know the bible says there won't be any more marriage or whatever, but I'm still going to insist on believing that I'll spend all of eternity with my future hubs and loved ones too, because after all...I'm only human.)